It may sound terribly trite and incredibly juvenile, but I am eagerly anticipating the release of the seventh and final Harry Potter book. In preparation for this, I purchased a soft-cover copy of the sixth book so that I could re-read it and familiarize myself with the plotline that leads into the conclusion of this tale. And, beyond what I readily-recalled (mainly, that Professor Dumbledore, Harry's mentor and protector throughout most of his life, had been killed), I learned much that I'm sure will be crucial information for this final book.

But what has really gotten me thinking is the relationship between Harry and Ginny, the younger sister of his best friend Ron. If you don't follow these books, a brief synopsis will suffice here: up until perhaps the 5th book, Ginny's role was pretty much the blushing-girl who was left speechless and embarrassed whenever Harry was in her proximity. It was only in part in the 5th book that she began to have a more defined character. And then, in the 6th book, she became what many had hoped: Harry's love interest. The two of them dated for a few weeks, only to be forced to separate due to the tragedy that occurred with Dumbledore's murder and Harry's subsequent realization that it has always been his destiny to cast aside everything and face his nemesis, Voldemort, to the death.

Now, far beyond getting misty-eyed about the relationship of 2 fictional characters, I am forced to reflect on my own life and my own dealings with the fairer sex. I have had a few girlfriends, but none of them have done for me what a woman is to be to her man, and vice versa. In all honesty, I have yet to find a woman who is meant for me, which is to be expected, as I am only 20 years old. But the sense of duty that Harry feels in regards to ending his relationship with Ginny...the feeling that he MUST do something that sucks and that hurts...that he must deny himself what he truly desires in order to achieve the greater good...I can identify with that. I can identify with the feeling that you are called to be above what is considered "normal." I have had to end a relationship with a girl who, much like Ginny was to Harry, was simply perfect for me...in seemingly every way. True, the relationship itself was not perfect, but the girl herself seemed to be exactly what God had planned for me. Yet the fact remained that it was undeniably-necessary, despite the fact that I loved her and wanted nothing more than to be with her, for me to put an end to the relationship. To be more specific would mean to divulge names and situations that are of really no consequence here.

My point in all of this is less about "woe is me and my dating life" and more about God's calling for us. It says, in Jeremiah 29:11, that God has a plan for us, a plan for our health and happiness. This plan, we are told, far exceeds what we may have conceived of ourselves. It is far beyond the temporal wants and needs that we seek to fulfill everyday. Instead, this plan is for our eternal soul to be eternally happy, to find its resting place in Him. For many of us, this plan involves marriage, children, Sunday dinners, mini-vans and 401Ks. For others, it involves vocations such as the priesthood, the religious life, missionary work. Regardless of the details, we must always be ready to forego our own visions, our own plans, our own desires, in order to do what God desires for us.

But we should not approach this selflessness as if it were a funeral procession; rather, we should rejoice in the fact that we have a God who not only knows us more intimately than anyone else will in our lifetime, but loves us so much that, from the time we were being knit in the wombs of our mothers, He has been eagerly awaiting the time in which we would turn to Him, in faith, and allow Him to lead us. I am struck by the image of Jim Carrey's character in the movie Bruce Almighty, endowed with the powers of God, leaping atop a table, stretching his arms out, pleading with his girlfriend, Grace, to love him. This image has always reminded me of Christ, ascending the hill to Calvary, stretching His arms out on the cross, all the while pleading with us to love Him. In the same way, God, like a child, is doing backflips and cartwheels and lighting off fireworks and noisemakers...all trying to get our attention, in hopes that we would turn to Him and let Him love us the way a Father should, leading us along a path that will hold all of the things that will fulfill our soul's deepest, most intimate longings.

In closing, I would like to ask all of you, if even for just a moment, to quiet yourself, close your eyes, and allow God's peace and joy to shower upon you. Let Him love you the way you were made to be loved: selflessly and without regard to tact.

God has a plan for each of His children. We must allow Him to do His thing. After all, if anyone knows what the heck they're doing, wouldn't it be the Guy who is known as the Creator of All Things?

Peace and blessings,
Matthew "Kujo" Kiernan

Some awesome quotes:



"When I finally picked a new healthcare plan, I picked an HMO. Then Michael comes up to me and said 'Why'd you pick a homo?' And I said 'I didn't. And that's a derogatory word for a homosexual.' Then he said 'No. You are.' And then he called me a slut." -Toby from The Office








"The value of life can today undergo a kind of 'eclipse,' even though conscience does not cease to point to it as a sacred and inviolable value, as is eveidency in the tendency to disguise certain crims against life in its early or final stages by using innocuous medical terms which distract attention from the fact that what is involved is the right to life of an actual human person." - JP2's Evangelium Vitae








"I want to wear your skin for my birthday party." -Obsessed fan from Blades of Glory

Hey ya'll. I'd like to take this time to re-introduce myself. I am Matthew "kUjO" Kiernan, the former-Director of Music and Worship of the now-defunct CatholicTeens.com. I don't really know how many people (if anyone) still look at this page, but I figured that I had more to say to whomever stumbles across my blog.

I'd like this blog to live up to it's namesake--I want it to be random. Sometimes I will write my "Randumb Thoughts" but, more than anything, I will be posting my random feelings on random subjects, ranging from theology to current events to music to the happenings in the world of sports and entertainment. There won't be any sort of set timetable as to when I'll post (once again...random!!!)Be warned, however: I speak the truth as I see it. I have been known to be brutally-honest when it comes to the way things should and shouldn't be. I apologize in advance if anything I say offends you, but I do not apologize for speaking my mind. It's the least I can do to maintain a certain degree of integrity in this world where the P.C. police enforce their A.C.L.U.-like ideology.

God bless you!

~Kujo

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?’ ‘Here I am,’ I said; ‘send me!’” Isaiah 6:8

When I read this verse, I think of love. I’m not talking about the “love” we see on television shows like The Real World, The Bachelor or (my personal favorite) Who Wants to Marry a Midget. I’m talking about self-giving, self-denying love.

The kind of love Jesus showed that day on the cross.

In today’s passage, we are read a dialogue between God and Isaiah. God appears to Isaiah, with a plan for him to go out and preach the Word of God, in a very literal sense. But rather than pointing His finger and saying “Hey, you, I want you to do something for Me,” God merely says “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” And, as any steward of God should, Isaiah replies “Here I am…send me.”

It’s a truly moving scene. And yet, if we examine in as a model for all of Christian life, we see that it holds so much more meaning. You see, our Father has a wonderful plan for us. He sees time in its entirety and knows exactly what is good for us and what will make us truly happy. But our God is not a God of force, nor is He a God who wants us to suffer through our life as if we have no say in the matter; rather, God loves us so intimately and so completely that He gives us a gift that none of His other creations have—He gives us the gift of free will. He allows us the opportunity to accept or to deny Him. And, come what may, He loves us, despite the millions of times we choose to deny Him.

Sin, my brothers and sister, is a denial of Christ. But true acceptance of our Lord is when we simply say “God, I’m here. Do what You need.” It is in dying to our own worldly desires—ambition, pride, lust, greed, hatred—that we enter into the presence of the Lord and it is casting aside these distractions that we allow ourselves to see clearly the beauty and splendor of our King. In short, it is in dying to ourselves that we begin to live in Him.

And here’s the best part—God loves us. When He looks down on the world, He sees us, His most precious creation, and He beams with love. Just like the father who keeps pictures of his children in His wallet, so too God has you on His heart. When we hit that home run, or do our best on our midterms, or help someone who is in need, or laugh amongst our friends, God gathers the nearest angels and says “Hey, look at my son/daughter! She is doing so well…I love her so much and I am so proud of her.” And in those times that we are not doing so well, for whatever reason, God comes to us, places His arms around us, and weeps with us.

In her biography of John Paul II, Peggy Noonan paraphrases our beloved-pope:

“God Himself loves and cares, in the most literal and basic sense, for all creation. But He provides for man differently from the way in which He provides for others in His handiwork. He cares for man not ‘from without,’ through the laws of physical nature, but ‘from within,’ through reason, which, by its natural knowledge of God’s eternal law, is able to show man the right direction to take in his free actions.”

God desperately wants us to live for Him. He has a special plan for us, one that includes using all the talents and gifts that He has blessed us with. He may be calling you to marriage, to a specific field of study, to religious life, to single life…or something completely different. Regardless, He calls all of us to holiness. And true holiness comes when we allow God to permeate and inundate our hearts and our lives. Then, and only then, will we be truly free.

God knocks at the doors of our hearts. Heck, sometimes He even bangs and rings the doorbell a hundred times. But it is up to us to make the choice to open that door, or to ignore it.

The choice is yours. And that’s how God intends it.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not…” Proverbs 3:5

So I got a ticket the other day. I was driving on the highway, listening to some music when, all of a sudden, I hear sirens behind me. I looked down at my speedometer and was horrified to see the dial read “90 mph” (the speed limit was 70 mph). I knew I was done for. I pulled over to the side of the road, got my license and registration out and prepared to receive a monster ticket.

The police officer came up to my window and said 4 words: “Ninety in a seventy?” I felt horrible. He gave me the ticket and I got back on the road, driving safer, slower and with more appreciation than ever before.

This incident got me thinking, though. I have the same tendency to have a “heavy foot” in my spiritual life. I try to force myself into some “perfect” faith life; I try to tackle problems on my own rather than asking God for guidance; and I allow the phrase “Thy will be done” turn into “my will be done.” It’s sad, but true.

Jesus comes to us today in a verse from the Book of Proverbs. I’ve always thought of the Book of Proverbs and the Book of Wisdom as the biblical-precursor to the popular series “Chicken Soup for the Soul.” They contain aphorisms and advice on practical matters. In this particular passage, the writer is describing the sort of attitude that we should have before God. It reads like a checklist of things we should do and say as sons and daughters of God. Yet it’s not meant to be a mere list of the ways and means of being a Christians, just like our prayers are not supposed to be just repetitious, meaningless words. We are called to have a transformation, a conversion of heart. And our actions should reflect this conversion.

Now, I’ll be the first one to say that it’s very easy to slip into complacency in terms of our prayer life; furthermore, I admit that, for the last year or two, my prayer life has been one of laziness and self-contentment. But, in my opinion, the beauty of our faith is that every passing moment provides with the opportunity to turn it all around. Today we can decide to change. At this very second, you and I look up to heaven and rededicate our lives to Christ. Salvation, my brothers and sisters, is a stone’s-throw away.

In our celebrity-obsessed society, we see people becoming star-struck and tongue-tied when their favorite baseball player or rapper is in their midst (ever seen that show "Fanatic" on MTV?). If we can get that stupid around some “famous” person, how much stupider should we be when we come to our Lord? One of the most dumbfounding truths you’ll ever come to know is that the King of the world, the Creator of the universe, the Lamb of God wants to talk to you. How humbling is that? Whenever I stand before the Eucharist, I just feel so small. I feel more awestruck than I ever would meeting some movie star. And I just feel stupid. I’m not using the word stupid in a negative sense; rather, I’m using it to contrast the infinite-knowledge that God has and how, in comparison, I’m nothing.

But here’s the crux of Christianity—God loves us anyway. No matter how ugly or unintelligent or bad the world makes us think we are, God loves us. Brothers and sisters, we’ve been sold a bag of lies. We’ve all bought into this false-attitude towards life. We look in the mirror and see all that we’re not. But when God looks at us, He sees all that we are and all that we could be. And that love should drive us to our knees, in submission and humility. God desperately-wants us to love Him back and to trust Him. Just as a child categorically-trusts his or her parents, we too are called to trust our God with all of our heart, knowing that He has wonderful plans for us (see Jeremiah 29:11).

So, what am I saying here? I’m saying that prayer is an amazing thing. It can (and does) change the world. Talk to God. Tell Him all of your problems. Be naked (spiritually and emotionally…not physically) before Him. He already knows all of what you know—indeed, He knows much, much more. I promise that if you are real with Him—good or bad—He will be closer to you than ever before. And that, my brothers and sisters, is worth more than anything in this life.

Oh…and I also want to ask you to drive carefully. You don’t need to drive fast in order to evaluate your spiritual life. It just took a whack on the head (and a blow to the wallet) for me to realize this. Think of your reading this Randumb Thought as your whack in the head. Amen.

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." Matthew 5:9

It's a little before 2 a.m. I am sitting on my couch with my roommate Dennis, watching t.v., when a preview for a movie called "Elephant" comes on the screen. It appears to be about a school shooting, and we are both interested enough to stay up to watch it.

An hour and 11 minutes later, I am left speechless. The first 50 minutes of the movie were tedious, slow-paced and methodical. But the rip-roaring final 20 minutes were as gruesome, maniacal and ruthless as I can ever imagine. The pure, unalterated hatred that was pouring from the screen left the viewed with this feeling of numbness, as if what was transpiring was an isolated, distant event that could never happen in real life, much less in a town like his or her own.

But that's exactly what the people in towns like Littletown, Colorado thought until that fateful fall day at Columbine High School.

I remember being in middle school when the school shootings at Columbine occured. I don't, however, recollect any immediate effects on my life. But, in retrospect, I can see the world change in response to these heinous actions by these heinous teens.

But the question I asked myself when all of this happened, the question I asked myself while watching the events unfold in the movie, and the question I am asking myself at this time is this: "How did it get this far?" What happened in the lives of these teenagers--indeed, in the lives of anybody who cold-bloodedly murders another person-- to cause them to react in such an evil way? Was it a dysfunctional family life? Were they picked on by their peers? Was there something biologically-wrong with them? Was it a combination of these factors, or something I didn't even think of?

I grew up in a loving house, but I did endure a 3 to 4 year period of intense familial tension that took a major toll on me personally, spiritually and physically. During this time, I began to notice that I had a real problem with repressing my anger for a period of time, only to release it on a helpless-person who happened to annoy me on a given day. And, when I was a young boy, I was picked on for being small and docile, but that ended as soon as I hit my growth-spurt and was big enough to make people second-guess whether they wanted to test me. So, of the aforementioned-factors I can identify, I've had some experience with each of them. Yet, I cannot imagine myself being in a position where I truly thought of picking up a gun, loading it up ammo, entering into my school or workplace, and picking-off people around me. It just simply does not register for me.

I do know one thing: something has to change, be it our culture, our gun-control laws, the way we deal with children who display anger tendencies, or just the way we look at teenagers in general. The violence that our culture venerates is sad and begets more and more violence. A person can flip on the television, and see images of brutality and decadence scroll by without the slightest remorse or revultion. The demented, desensitized way that the characters in this movie went about their killings disturbed me. It was as if they were merely playing a video game.

And maybe that is the problem. Maybe our "reality"-obsessed culture has become desensitized to the horrors of "real" life. Maybe, with games like "Grand Theft Auto," "James Bond," and an endless-string of war-themed games, our minds have become so dulled and dilluted with images of horrifying violence and malice that the sight of a human being killing another human being is common place and barely noteworthy.

You may be thinking, "Well, is this supposed to be a political rant? A spiritual reflection? A personal testimony? Or just the ramblings of a 19-year old at 3:35 in the morning?" And I don't the answer. But what I can say is this: we need a rival of morality. We need to get back to the days when violence against humanity--whether it was against a "fetus" or a "person"-- was viewed as immoral and unacceptable. We need to get back to the days when the wishy-washy, noncommital rhetoric of a bunch of talking heads was viewed as just that: unimportant words by unimportant people. I think the biggest injustice in the last 5-10 years was the development of the attitude that we cannot impose our idea of right and wrong on others. Well pardon my bluntness, but to hell with that! That is what the essense of democracy is: voting on what you feel is right. If we cannot stand up and speak our mind and our beliefs, than we've lost sight of what our country was built on. And if we can't strive to make our town, our state, our country, our world a better, safer, more moral place, than we're left with only one option: we can sit back, turn on the news, and watch as a generation of disenfranchised-youth mow each other down with AK-47s, shotguns and glocks.

“I, then, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received...” Ephesians 4:1

Have you ever gotten a bad grade on a test that you had to show your parents? When you showed it to them, and they got angry, did you ever say, “But mom/dad, everyone else in the class did bad. In fact, I actually did better than most.”

I sure did. For me, it was in math. In elementary school, I’d get Ds and Fs on tests that had to be signed by my parents and returned to the teacher. And it sucked! I would’ve loved to just crumple that notebook paper up and Air-Jordan that sucker into the trash bin. But, if I did that, then my teacher would call my parents and tell them about the test and about how I tried to conceal it. No good could come of failing and lying.

What about in your faith life? Have you ever been down in the dumps spiritually, sinning and being unholy in your own special way? And, when you examined your state of holiness, have you ever found yourself saying “Well, I am not living up to my potential. But I’m a good kid—I go to Church, I do well in school, I don’t do any of the ‘major’ sins. I’m actually much better than some of the people at school. Heck, I’m more holy than some of the people at my Church!”

That, right there, is the time that the devil rejoices. You see, the devil is a slippery-fiend. Not only does he tempt us with the forbidden fruit that we are most hungry for, but he also whispers these lies into our ears. He sneaks up from behind us and tries to make us believe that we are “holy enough,” or that it’s okay for us to sin because others do it, too. “After all,” he says. “You’ve been through so much in your life. You’re not perfect so why try to be?”

But, to put it bluntly, the devil is full of crap. Jesus refers to him as “the father of lies” (John 8:44) and Beelzebul (which can be translated to mean “lord of the flies”). If we focus on the former title, we will realize that nothing the devil speaks is the truth. He twists, contorts, and manipulates the truth into something that can only bring us away from his greatest enemy—Jesus.

So, am I saying that comparing yourself to another person is evil? Not quite.

I’m saying that we, as Christians, are called to live a life of holiness. We are called to be the light of the world and the salt of the earth. Those terms are not mere analogies: they are life-our-death commands. Think about what salt and light do. If you walked into a room that was pitch-black and silent, you’d probably feel anxious. But if you found the light switch, you’d feel a lot better. What about the salt? Well, that one is a little more difficult to relate. In Jesus’ time, they didn’t have refrigerators, nor did they have the chemicals we now call “preservatives” to keep their food clean and edible. Therefore, they would put salt on it and the salt would keep the meats safe for eating later on. So Jesus is saying that we should be that light that delivers people from the perilous darkness and the salt that protects people from the effects of sin.

Imagine the effect we could have on the world if we all decided to die to our personal wants and desires in exchange for the ones God has for us. There would be nothing we couldn’t do. People would come to know Jesus through us, and that, my brothers and sisters, is the reason we are here. Our purpose in this world is to love God and to reflect God. All others pursuits are secondary.

Jesus, the Lamb of God, wants us to live like He lived. He wants us to live a life of holiness, but He understands that, no matter how hard we try, we cannot be sinless. That is why He gave us the saints. They’re not just meant to be statues that are placed at the corners of the Church for us to look at. No, they are intended to serve us examples of holiness for us to aspire to. The saints are not perfect—but they’re people just like us who loved God and tried their best to live in a manner that would please Him. And that’s all God wants of us: our very best. After all, He gave us every drop of His blood that day on the cross.

So, in the footsteps of Jesus, the prophets, the apostles and countless ministers of God’s grace throughout eternity, I ask you to raise the bar. Never be content with the current state of things. Seek God more today than yesterday. Live your life in a holy way, a way that tells the devil to go to hell! Amen.

“…Peter said to him in reply, ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’ He said, ‘Come.’ Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw how (strong) the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’ After they got into the boat, the wind died down.” Matthew 14:29-32

So, you just get off of a retreat. You’re fired up! You’ve got the love of Christ in your heart. You’ve made lots of new friends. Maybe you’ve also met a member of the opposite sex that you are interested in. Bottom line: you feel GREAT!

Fast-forward to about month after the retreat. Still fired up? Still talking to those fifty friends you met on your retreat? Still going to mass and adoration every week, praising God with your hands raised high and your voice even higher? How about that person you met that you were attracted to: are you and that person dating, or are has that relationship fizzled, too?

I hate to break it to you, but a lot of what happened to you on that retreat had a lot to do with your feelings. And, you know what? To a certain degree, that is a good thing. Retreats are times where you can go away from your busy life and spend some time with God and with other people as well. And, naturally, when you are confined in a small space with forty or fifty people, you form emotional attachments to some of those people. Thus, all of the spirituality and Jesus-moments that go on during the retreat get paired up with the elation of meeting new people and having an awesome time. It’s a natural occurrence, one that has happened to me on more than one occasion.

But here’s the problem: more often than not, we associate what God reveals to us during these spiritual-retreats with the feelings of fellowship and fun that we experienced during the retreat. The danger is that feelings and emotions change like the tide. Think about it: if I came up to you right now and told you that you were a horrible person and that I think you will fail at everything you do in your life, your mood would change. Furthermore, if I approached you right now and told you that I loved you and that you were the most talented, wonderful, caring person I’ve ever met, your mood would probably change, too.

Peter and the other disciples experienced the same thing in today’s passage. They had just seen Jesus feed more than 5000 men, women and children with just 5 loaves and 2 fish. They were astounded at His power. Then, when they saw Jesus walking on, they felt even more awe and wonder. After all, have you ever met anyone who can feed thousands of people and then take a stroll on top of the nearby lake afterwards?

And then there was Peter. Oh, how I identify myself with Peter. In more ways than one, I see myself as a mirror-image of Peter. But I’m not talking about him being the first Pope or the leader of the disciples. I’m talking about some of his less-desirable attributes:

He had a big mouth (Mark 8:29-30)
He was overzealous (Matthew 16:22-23)
He overreacts (John 18:10)
He denies Jesus, despite saying he never would (Luke 14:66-72)

But, of all Peter’s mishaps, this one hits me the most. He feels so excited about seeing Jesus’ amazing power that he thinks he can walk on water, too. And, when he focuses completely on Jesus, he can. But, eventually, his eyes start to wander to what is around him—the thunder, the lightning, the crashing waves. Consequently, he falls into the water. Can you relate to that feeling of invincibility? If I’m not mistaken, it’s exactly what you feel after a retreat. My point here is that what you experience on retreat weekends is far beyond your mercurial-emotions. Jesus Christ, the Person who knew you from before you were even conceived in your mother’s womb, reveals Himself to us in some way or another on these weekends. In a very holy, true-sense, He comes down from heaven, looks us in the eyes and tells you that He loves you more than we can possibly imagine. And we respond in the only way we can: we lift our hands and raise our voices in praise and worship of the One who created us.

So, to wrap things up, what you are feeling right now is good. It is what sustains you, and what makes you enjoy God, Jesus and going to Church right now. But it’s only the surface. God’s love is deeper than the deepest-oceans and higher than the highest-mountains. And what you’ve experienced is just an inkling, just the beginning of what God’s amazing grace is all about. God put you on that retreat for a reason. And, I promise you that the reason involves you diving deeper into the love that you felt this weekend. We must dive so deep into God’s grace and love that it surpasses mere “feelings.” If you dive deep enough, what you once “felt” will transform into knowledge. You will KNOW that Jesus loves you; you will KNOW that He is all-powerful; and you will KNOW that, while feelings will inevitably fade, your faith in God will never diminish.

Matt Maher said it best in his song You Are My Everything—“so lead me past emotions/because they change with the wind/I want to be a true disciple/to daily choose Your hand.” Amen to that, brother.